Friday, February 15, 2013
8:06 AM | Posted by
Unknown
I have an affliction. I've had it my whole adult life and, try as I might, I have not been successful in getting rid of it. Yes, I'm talking about an aversion to humility. Don't get me wrong, I love to serve. Serving is actually what I do and have done for decades now. But all that service hasn't gotten rid of my pride yet. I wonder if it ever will.
Service to others brings happiness, genuine joy. I learn so many things about myself and about others as I serve them. I learn to love a person through the service I render; it is a great feeling. But there is a fine line that almost regularly gets crossed that just spoils everything.
First some background. I honestly consider myself to be anyone's equal. This can cause problems when your occupation is as a secretary. People just assume that being served by a secretary is like switching on the light. You expect there to be light, and are genuinely surprised (and annoyed) if there isn't light. The secretaries of this world are expected to wait on everyone hand and foot. For the most part they are not supposed to have opinions, because what good is the opinion of the light switch? One just doesn't expect the light switch to have anything important to say. People don't question that position in society, it is just the way secretaries are expected to be. If they aren't then they are considered to be a "bad" secretary. It is like having a butler who doesn't "butle."
Yesterday I put on a luncheon at work. We have had them regularly in the past right after our guest speaker finishes their lecture. It is a small affair with just a few students and some faculty guests. I order the food, reserve the room, set the table, fetch the water bottles, and make sure the whole thing comes across like it was a landscape that had always been there and the guests were just fulfilling the purpose of that landscape by enjoying themselves.
The part that upsets me is that I am only invited to sit at the table with my "peers" when absolutely no one else can be found. If, as yesterday, enough people can be found I am out of luck entirely. I am only offered food if there are leftovers. I feel like I am being offered scraps from the master's table. And what is worse, my boss doesn't consider this to be insulting. He, like most bosses thinks I will be grateful to eat his leftovers. It is actually a win for him, because he has been nice to his secretary and taken care of the problem of leftovers at the same time. It just makes me angry.
Okay, reality check; I know that secretaries are paid to put on these functions, and normally they are not intended to participate, they are only there to organize the function for everyone else's pleasure. I get it. It is what I am paid to do. What causes me to be angry is the lack of acknowledgement that I just made my boss look good. I just boosted his and the Center's reputation while I get ignored. I know what you are thinking, "Wow, he thinks way too highly of himself," but that is the point. I do consider myself to be anyone's equal. Since when does anyone like being treated with all the consideration of a light switch?
Some would say that I am obviously in the wrong profession if that bothers me. I say that it is others who are wrong to treat people that way. I love my job. I love what I do, and I find it very rewarding. What I haven't figured out is how to allow myself to be treated with indifference or disregard and graciously accept that as appropriate behavior on the part of others. It feels like I am being told that this treatment is what I deserve, and I can't expect any better.
My question to you is this, how can I live with being treated as an object to be used, and not well up with indignation and anger? I'll gladly take any suggestions.
Service to others brings happiness, genuine joy. I learn so many things about myself and about others as I serve them. I learn to love a person through the service I render; it is a great feeling. But there is a fine line that almost regularly gets crossed that just spoils everything.
First some background. I honestly consider myself to be anyone's equal. This can cause problems when your occupation is as a secretary. People just assume that being served by a secretary is like switching on the light. You expect there to be light, and are genuinely surprised (and annoyed) if there isn't light. The secretaries of this world are expected to wait on everyone hand and foot. For the most part they are not supposed to have opinions, because what good is the opinion of the light switch? One just doesn't expect the light switch to have anything important to say. People don't question that position in society, it is just the way secretaries are expected to be. If they aren't then they are considered to be a "bad" secretary. It is like having a butler who doesn't "butle."
Yesterday I put on a luncheon at work. We have had them regularly in the past right after our guest speaker finishes their lecture. It is a small affair with just a few students and some faculty guests. I order the food, reserve the room, set the table, fetch the water bottles, and make sure the whole thing comes across like it was a landscape that had always been there and the guests were just fulfilling the purpose of that landscape by enjoying themselves.
The part that upsets me is that I am only invited to sit at the table with my "peers" when absolutely no one else can be found. If, as yesterday, enough people can be found I am out of luck entirely. I am only offered food if there are leftovers. I feel like I am being offered scraps from the master's table. And what is worse, my boss doesn't consider this to be insulting. He, like most bosses thinks I will be grateful to eat his leftovers. It is actually a win for him, because he has been nice to his secretary and taken care of the problem of leftovers at the same time. It just makes me angry.
Okay, reality check; I know that secretaries are paid to put on these functions, and normally they are not intended to participate, they are only there to organize the function for everyone else's pleasure. I get it. It is what I am paid to do. What causes me to be angry is the lack of acknowledgement that I just made my boss look good. I just boosted his and the Center's reputation while I get ignored. I know what you are thinking, "Wow, he thinks way too highly of himself," but that is the point. I do consider myself to be anyone's equal. Since when does anyone like being treated with all the consideration of a light switch?
Some would say that I am obviously in the wrong profession if that bothers me. I say that it is others who are wrong to treat people that way. I love my job. I love what I do, and I find it very rewarding. What I haven't figured out is how to allow myself to be treated with indifference or disregard and graciously accept that as appropriate behavior on the part of others. It feels like I am being told that this treatment is what I deserve, and I can't expect any better.
My question to you is this, how can I live with being treated as an object to be used, and not well up with indignation and anger? I'll gladly take any suggestions.
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